“Oh [my relatives] ask all the time, but I’m just like, no. I told them, oh I don’t believe in marriage and stuff, you know things you just to dodge it. I told them I’m never going to be dating a girl but they never question it”.

By LESLIE IGNACIO
EL NUEVO SOL

Versión en español

If college is difficult enough in trying to balance school, work and life, wanting to explore the dating scene only adds to the difficulty of it. And when it comes to being a part of the LGBTQ community it only makes it that much more difficult while in college.

“There was once, it was with this older dude, he was like 30 something and I was 18 and we went out to the movies and throughout the whole movie he was not talking at all. He just kept on like trying to do stuff and I wasn’t really into it”, Daniel Espinoza, 20-year-old CSUN student said.

He remembers one of the first times he had a bad experience when he turned 18 and started using dating apps to be able to meet other men because as a gay man he hopes to someday take part of a good relationship.

Dating apps have become a huge part in how members of the LGBTQ community are able to explore the dating scene.

According to Dr. Justin Garcia, a Scientific Advisor of Match.com who publishes his work on the site said, “Nearly half of the LGBTQ population in America identifies as single, and a vast majority of these singles, some 80 percent, are seeking a committed relationship. By expanding our annual Singles in America study to include more people of diverse identities, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Americans, we are beginning to address these knowledge gaps to better understand singles today”.

For members like Espinoza, the Pride Center is a safe place on his campus where he is able to go and meet other members of the community who are trying to navigate the dating scene or just want to be heard in what they are dealing with. And they help educate themselves when it comes to any possible sexually transmitted diseases or if they are in need of any resources.

Espinoza is able to be himself while on the CSUN campus as he’s away from home where his family doesn’t know he is openly gay. Although with the support of his friends who are fully accepting of him, he is able to enjoy his college experience.

Although Espinoza has not come out to his family, he knows they have a feeling that he is gay which he feels helps him not feel like he is hiding anything.

“Oh they ask all the time, but I’m just like no. I told them oh I don’t believe in marriage and stuff, you know things you just to dodge it. I told them I’m never going to be dating a girl but they never question it”, Espinoza said.

According to A Survey of LGBT Americans by the Pew Research Center, “About six-in-ten (59%) have told one or both of their parents, and a majority say most of the people who are important to them know about this aspect of their life”.

Although Espinoza’s family doesn’t know he is openly gay he feels happy in living this way as he says the support of friends help him feel comfortable as they were accepting since the day he told them at a party.

Espinoza relies on apps like Grinder and Tinder to be able to go on dates, but doesn’t always agree with the type of people he meets on there.

“The thing is when it comes to online dating for the gay community, specifically the gay community it always ends up like you just going to a movie then right away you have sex”, Espinoza said. “It’s like that’s all it is just people trying to have sex. And like its kind of bad I think because that’s when you know a relationship is going to fail right when you have sex because that’s all you’re going to think about”.

The difficulties of dating and online apps can be stressful now try adding the issue of exclusivity to the mix and you have a lot of single members of the LGBTQ community.

“I think a lot of people just want different options like if one doesn’t work out they have another back up or they have another back up”, Espinoza said. “And I think it’s just because we don’t have like that guide on how a gay relationship should work they don’t know how to do it.  Everything is still on the down low, like a lot of people just can’t be out in the open holding hands and everything without being stereotyped and that’s why a lot of people avoid relationships”.

Espinoza like many other members of the LGBTQ community find it difficult and feel vulnerable when attempting to date because exclusivity is ideal in their eyes, but it is of the few options they do have.

And as for Espinoza exploring more of the dating scene he searches until hoping to find his ideal relationship someday soon.

“I mean I would like the more traditional, but in reality I would be open to an open relationship”, Espinoza said.

The dating scene for members of the LGBTQ has always been hard as they have gone through many difficult times, yet exclusivity is the biggest reason why many members of the LGBTQ members are single and searching.